There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize