thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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