He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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