speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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