we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
