You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize