my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
