We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize