I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
