Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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