At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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