he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
