I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This toilet bowl is my home.
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