My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
