just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
