Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
