Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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