you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
