what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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