I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
