i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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