Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
