Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
