I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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