do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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