In the future we'll all be gay
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
