If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
