There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just googled if crying burns calories
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
