So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
