Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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