ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Shame is for Republicans.
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