but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Blood and glitter go together right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
