We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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