I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
