im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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