ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
