I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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