No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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