ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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