..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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