i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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