Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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