you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
