I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We have started to decorate penises.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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