so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
