mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
