So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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