covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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