I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my shit smells like andre
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
