wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
