This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
