it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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