I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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