I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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