He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
