I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
