I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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