I bet he comes in French.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
