I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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