he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
