32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
