Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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