Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
