We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
