The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
