woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
