why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
