I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
