My underwear smells like fireworks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
