"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
