Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
