I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
