Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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