I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think my moral compass just broke
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