Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
