My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize