He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm at about main and main street
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
