Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
