Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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