I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So here I am, sexting at work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
