I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
