I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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