please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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