before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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