He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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