You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
