Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize