So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
