I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
